Sophie passed away this past February after 15 years - we were together longer than I have known my husband. She travelled with me from Portland, Oregon to Herzogenaurach, Germany and finally to Lewes, UK.
After I came back from the vet (alone), I could not believe how quiet the house was. For days afterwards, my husband and I sat across from each other in silence.......looking at one another, blinking occasionally. We realised, we had never been with each other alone.......it had always been the three of us.
The reason I am bringing this up is that lately, I have been seeing a black shape now and again out of the corner of my eye. A few times I have almost turned and said hello. Then I realise.......she is gone......she is not there......it couldn't possibly be her coming up the stairs.
I thought this would happen right afterwards......but all there was was silence and emptyness.
It isn’t a bad feeling or a scary feeling....it just is
But then it is a little deflating......I think my shoulders might sag a tiny bit when I realise nothing is there.......or its just a pile of clothes......or a creaking floor board of a very old house
I took some photos of my table this morning - my new cakestand that my friend made for me for my birthday - topped with old ornaments I picked up at a local antique shop for £3! I have another bunch at the studio that came with them......a pretty old blue colour
think this might be the extent of my decorating as we won't actually be here for Xmas - the dilemna I have every year - decorate or not
we are hardly ever home during the holiday; either with my family or my husband’s
this year, most of my decorations are at the studio -
another frosty morning - the plants outside my studio have frozen....poor things
oh - had so much to say last night as I stared at the ceiling and even this morning on my way here.....now all gone
I am still set up for the Xmas Fair and will be until this Saturday, so am not doing much in the artwork department (except in my head) but after that........hope to get some pictures out of the pieces I hope to get to soon.....the start of the pieces, I mean
am trying to read more, instead of sitting dumbly in front of the tv, especially as there is never anything on worth seeing! (especially with only 4 channels)
right now I am in the middle of Iris Murdoch’s The Nice and the Good, plus The Book of Silence and a book of essays by Zadie Smith